What am I waiting for?

Tuesday, April 14, 2020

What am I waiting for? In this season of lockdown, due to the coronavirus, it feels like life has been put on hold. I await the return to usual daily activity: hopping in my car after breakfast, to go to celebrate Mass with my faith community, to yoga class, to meet with my women’s Cursillo friendship group to discuss life and faith, or to run errands. These activities are put on hold, so I wait. I wait to hear on the news that a vaccine has been made to cure the disease that is settling into the lungs of random people of all ages, killing so many people in our world, hoping it will not strike at any of my family members or friends.

To pass the time, I make face masks for anyone who may need them or want them. I work on a 1000-pieces puzzle. I play solitaire on my computer screen. I check email, Facebook, listen to talks from some of my favorite priests. I make coffee, read a little, get up, look for a snack. Is it lunchtime yet? I make a sandwich, finish a crossword puzzle and Sudoku while eating. I’m tired – how can I be tired??? I got up past 8:00 and haven’t done anything strenuous! I’ll recline in my chair and read. I doze off for 30 minutes. Get up, pour another cup of coffee, go check the mail. Oh, it’s good to be outside – look at the trees budding! They’re not waiting to bring about new life! It’s spring, after all. I stop to pull some weeds, thinking that I should start planting flowers soon. As soon as I get back inside, I start waiting again. For what? Dinner time?

Last week, Holy Week, the Scripture readings reminded us of the passion and death of Jesus. Dying. This is what it feels like lately. Maybe I’m wasting time, waiting to die.  Sometimes waiting feels like dying. Dying to old ways, waiting to learn about the new way. How are we going to start encountering one another in person again, with our individual experiences of quarantine? “Forty days.” Forty days of Lent, as well. At the end: Easter and a call to new life.

Easter has arrived, but we are still told to stay at home to keep others safe. When we go out, we are to wear a face mask, kind of like hiding. Maybe I’m waiting to come out of hiding. We are to experience new life, as nature is calling us to do. “Think of the flowers growing in the fields; they never have to work or spin…” (Matthew 6:28) Am I working or spinning too much? What am I waiting for? There have been some positive encounters with this period of quarantine, and I will write about that next time. For now, you’ll just have to wait.

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